October 2010
23 posts
Yesterday my 7 yr old told me Justin Bieber broke out of jail. I’m so pissed she knows who Justin Bieber is.
I’m not drinking another beer until I lose 30 lbs, or kill myself, or murder everyone I told this to.
I’m at a rodeo. It feels a lot like I’m about to get my ass kicked.
Just claimed ownership of my bathroom on Foursquare. Was sent a nice “check in here” sticker. Debating the Mayor’s special now.
It’s ok to delete tweets from the night before if it’s in an attempt to save your family’s honor, right?
I wish Sudafed would come up with some allergy pill that would just rip my stupid nose off my face.
Flip over to Food network and watch @crtio from @juliankc do what she does so well.
My son has made up 14 songs about poop since we last spoke. Kid has talent.
I just mowed the lawn drunk. My high school counselor was right. I can do anything I set my mind to.
I’m at the DMV, for the 2nd time this morning, and it’s going exactly as you would imagine. Praying for death.
Will someone tell Al Davis he died years ago? It’s get embarrassing for him.
Saw “The Town” last night. It was good. Best version of “Heat” since the original.
Yeah? Halladay threw a no hitter? Me? Oh I was watching Karate Kid for the 10th time because my kids don’t give a shit what I want to watch.
Pro Tip: Never tell someone you’re not a witch.
If I have to tell one more person I threw my back out “because I’m fat”’ I’m going to eat them.
For Halloween the 7 yr old has decided on a dead cheerleader. The 4 yr old on a Power Ranger. I’m very disappointed in the 4 yr old.
How does spending money to turn everything in sports pink help breast cancer again? I can’t remember.
No #MU, no #Chiefs. My entire sporting mood for the week depends on an injury depleted #Arsenal. No pressure guys.
Congrats to @crtio from @juliankc for advancing in The Next Iron Chef.
I just got an email saying Sarah Palin wants to meet me in California for a final push to victory. Looks like I need to turn down the charm.
I was a big Greg Giraldo fan. So that sucks he didn’t pull through.
My neighbor just started smoking a bajillion pounds of meat for the American Royal party tomorrow. Means I’m eating a lot barbecue tonight.
I think it would be good for the country if less people cared about Star Wars.